I’m a dreamer. I get lost in my head imagining stuff to the minutest detail. So, in implementing, I’m often tightly wound, trying to make it conform to what I built in my head. But there’s only so much one can control. The negative part of it is that sometimes I worry so much about making it happen the way I imagined that I fail to see how it could be better. I’m learning to let go of control, because being less controlling allows me to dream bigger. It allows me to see more opportunities and improves my vision.
I also have confidence to make hard decisions in spite of fear. The past two weeks have been about saying no to things/people that threaten my peace. I’m learning to eliminate distraction, no matter how familiar or attractive it is… say ‘no’, because people will take advantage for as long as I let them… say ‘no’ because an opportunity isn’t right for me.
It’s also been about openness. About saying ‘yes’ to support. Earlier, I was having a conversation with O about a project, and I said to him, “It’s all exciting but it’s also really scary.” His response was simple, “Awa wa ni bi yi.” That’s how I get my confidence these days–from knowing that God is there; from knowing that people like O are there; from knowing that Google is there.
The scale of the things I’ve been working on is daunting. A few months ago, I was really low on confidence but I went on, anyway. The crazy thing is, as my confidence in my abilities is growing, so are my dreams. There’s so much to do and learn. It would ordinarily make me scared then depressed but I’m so happy it’s surprising. I have been happy the past couple of weeks. Not because my life is perfect (is anyone’s ever? Tell me) but because in spite of all that’s going on, I have great clarity. This clarity has come from my faith and learning to see the workings of God in the happenings in my life. Every day, I remind myself to dream bigger and worry less.