When I am done…
It’s been one of those years. The kind that you just want to end…that’s why I’m writing what should maybe have been my end of the year post now. It’s been a year of lessons. Of learning that the ones you are there for will not always be there for you, or even want to be there for you. Of finding that the ones who claim to love you don’t, they only love themselves, but also learning that there are those who claim it and mean it and act it.
There have been times when I felt I could not go on. This year, it wasn’t so much feeling like I couldn’t go on, I knew I could go on, but I didn’t want to, like months ago. But those 3 in my life, they wouldn’t lemme lie down and die, they’d drag me along – two by my hands and one by my hair (you know urself bwitch) – till I got up again, skinned knees, sore scalp and all. It’s been a year of so much love and laughter for me but also of pain only very few knew about, cared about. It’s been a year of joy and big steps for me. Of movies and vodka. Of deep talks and long puffs. Of living in my head so long, I was too disoriented when I finally dared to venture out.
Saw my results a few hours ago, was scared before I saw it. I must admit, I was so scared. Why, I can’t really say, except that all through in my 5 years in law I never failed any of the over 20 law courses I took. I was scared because although I’ve always been the ‘pick your books 2 weeks to exams’ kind of student, I’d never been the ‘almost no class attendance all year round, miss 2 tests and pick your books 1 week to exams’ one, but I did that this year(I’d lost whatever zeal I ever had for classes). And yet my irresponsible self made it through. Never did I think a ‘D’ would look as good as the one I saw today. I was scared I wouldn’t but God saw me through. I swear the prayers of my mother and my friends…and mine(stop laughing O. you too B) don’t go to waste!
p.s. There will be no markers for your grave.
Next stop –Law School!