A week in the life of…

The earliest time you get home that week is around 12am, and that is on the day of the opening. You spend most days supervising the installation, making purchases around town, and calling people to make sure they do their jobs. Some days you drive home in the early evening only to have to drive back at night. And that’s how several pieces of clothing end up on your armchair, with you too tired to allow for the two/three hours it usually takes you to try to fall asleep. You take two Ambien tablets every night, shower and fall into bed, only to wake after four or five hours and repeat the cycle.

Tuesday is a lesson in adulting. You had planned to be on away on an Island but had to cancel the trip weeks earlier. You put your phone on silent even though it’s your 27th birthday — there’s work and the calls are distracting. But there’s also ice cream cake and wine and the best, who has flown in for your birthday + the opening + other sundry business. The CFF too. You are grateful for people who let you be what you need to be in the moment. Who are fine with sitting in silence. Your bicycle leans against the living room wall, reminding you how little time you’ve had to feel the wind or forget life.

Early on Saturday, you get a call and you go out without taking a shower. There’s still a lot that needs doing before 4pm. You rush back home around 2:30pm, shower, get dressed and get back in your car. An empty can of power horse joins two more on the floor mat in the passenger’s side. While you sit in traffic, you wet cotton wool with polish remover and get to cleaning your chipped nails. It’s past 3pm and the fuel scarcity has made it harder to get around quickly. You start to line your eyes and brows. You worry about not making it back in time for guests to start arriving. You play three songs on repeat: Ghosts | Laura Marling; Wonder | Emeli Sande; Hello | Adele.

You remember how the week had started with chaos.

Have you ever had to tell someone to stay away from you many times because you think they’re selfish and impact your life negatively? Yet they keep returning even though they know that this causes you distress. So this person who has first hurt you by being unthinking, tries (selfishly again) for months to take more from you — your peace, your time, a connection they miss, conversations, love or whatever. This person who can’t do a basic thing like not do something that affects you negatively, wants you to be unselfish by continuing to allow them in your life.

You don’t mind people being selfish, so long as they don’t try to take and take from others. You think people shouldn’t ask of others what they cannot give them and shouldn’t do to others what they cannot take. That should be simple, right? Apparently not. You get so tired of saying “leave me alone” and hoping they won’t ruin another week during which you need to be as stable as possible, that one night and one extra wine glass you vomit your unfiltered thoughts about them. To them.

You hate being mean to people, even when they deserve it. And it’s not even because you try to be a good person; it’s because your capacity for vindictiveness scares you so you try not to go down that path. You are really quick to apologise to people — if you don’t, it feels as though you have given yourself permission to hurt them in any way possible and that scares you. Anyway, you apologise and, in this case, reiterate that you’d just like to be left alone. It’s not that hard is it?

That was last Sunday. It is another Sunday, the day after the opening, and your flat is a right mess. Not your usual organised chaos but real chaos. You’d been too busy running around town during the week and no one was home to let the housekeeper in on the two days she came by.

It’s Monday evening and you walk in to shiny floors and fresh sheets and a table that no longer looks like a paper war zone. It makes you really happy. Instantly. Sometimes, especially when you’re trying to plan your finances, you wonder if you really need things like a housekeeper for the apartment or if you really need your assistant. Then high-pressured days or weeks show you how much they make your life better and eliminate things you would otherwise have spent time worrying about or spent time doing instead of focusing on the core of your work.

Sometimes self-care is taking time out in a crushing week to get a pedicure or it’s eliminating smaller tasks that drain you further physically and/or mentally.

Dream bigger

I’m a dreamer. I get lost in my head imagining stuff to the minutest detail. So, in implementing, I’m often tightly wound, trying to make it conform to what I built in my head. But there’s only so much one can control. The negative part of it is that sometimes I worry so much about making it happen the way I imagined that I fail to see how it could be better. I’m learning to let go of control, because being less controlling allows me to dream bigger. It allows me to see more opportunities and improves my vision.

I also have confidence to make hard decisions in spite of fear. The past two weeks have been about saying no to things/people that threaten my peace. I’m learning to eliminate distraction, no matter how familiar or attractive it is… say ‘no’, because people will take advantage for as long as I let them… say ‘no’ because an opportunity isn’t right for me.

It’s also been about openness. About saying ‘yes’ to support. Earlier, I was having a conversation with O about a project, and I said to him, “It’s all exciting but it’s also really scary.” His response was simple, “Awa wa ni bi yi.” That’s how I get my confidence these days–from knowing that God is there; from knowing that people like O are there; from knowing that Google is there.

The scale of the things I’ve been working on is daunting. A few months ago, I was really low on confidence but I went on, anyway. The crazy thing is, as my confidence in my abilities is growing, so are my dreams. There’s so much to do and learn. It would ordinarily make me scared then depressed but I’m so happy it’s surprising. I have been happy the past couple of weeks. Not because my life is perfect (is anyone’s ever? Tell me) but because in spite of all that’s going on, I have great clarity. This clarity has come from my faith and learning to see the workings of God in the happenings in my life. Every day, I remind myself to dream bigger and worry less.

Requiems for love

Because some songs bear the weight of memories…

BlackBird | Nina Simone

“This is apt,” I say, increasing the volume and pausing so he can listen. “It’s the perfect soundtrack for this moment.”

“Change the song. You think this is a movie?”

I don’t tell him that it’s too late. That regardless of our choices, this is how I’ll remember him. Us. A bird with a broken wing, longing for flight but unable to take off.

Youth | Daughter

“Rayo, I know you. You wanted a reason to leave.”

I don’t argue with her. No one’s warmth has ever kept me from starting to crave ‘alone’ after 6 months. “I didn’t expect him to give me no reasons to stay.”

I hold on to the anger at his reckless dick because it is easier than saying, “You make me want to swallow my tongue and fold into my soul for comfort. I know if I stay much longer I will kill myself.”

Stay | Rihanna

I have a compulsion to win and I can’t accept that failing at something doesn’t make me a failure. So, I make myself stay. But love is not a race, and four years is a long time to pay for a mistake.

Who Knew | P!nk

At any point, one of us has doubts. And it’s a dance. He leaves; I fight to put us back together. I leave; he pulls me back to him. Yet we tell each other it’s forever. Made of something real. Not just firsts but lasts, forever.

How did we think our teenage selves so wise and steady when thirty is drawing near and we still haven’t figured out love or life?

Mustard seed

Sometimes, hurt comes from someone you didn’t think it would. Sometimes, they layer it with pride and further hurt and you let them, because you don’t quite know how to look people you love in the face and say ‘no’ firmly. I’m learning. Recently, something happened and I went to ‘I’ crying because it blindsided me and hurt me in a way I didn’t think possible. He said to me, “Do you think I have your back? Do you think I’ll protect you? Do you think I’d let someone cheat you?”

And I realised I knew with unwavering certainty that he had my back, knew he’d protect me because that’s what he’s always done in the years I’ve known him. I didn’t expect what he said next though. “So, why have you come to me crying as if you’re helpless. You should be calling me to have a good laugh about this. I feel insulted that you’re crying over this.”

So my spirit started to nag. Is this how God feels every time I worry needlessly and let people’s selfishness get me down? Is this how He feels when I can’t get out of bed for days because I’ve lost my joy hurting or worrying? “Why have you come to me crying as if you’re helpless?”

My conversation with ‘I’ made me pause because I realised just how little faith I have in God, and how my actions make it seem like I don’t have confidence in the knowledge I have of Him. It made me realise just how much time I spend worrying over projects and hurting over slights instead of having a good laugh because I know that he has my back and will protect me.

This year has been a journey for me. With God revealing more of himself to me in my interactions with others. I struggle with my confidence in him but this revelation is helping me scale that mountain. Now, I’m waiting on the one about letting go of bitterness and embracing forgiveness.

It’s been a year…

I am waiting for sunrise
I am waiting for sunrise

Since I wrote my last post here.

I have been focusing my energy on running ARTYLIVING.

I recently hired someone to work on a new version of the brand/site.

I am no longer a Speechwriter, since Fashola is no longer Governor of Lagos.

I am writing/editing full-time now.

It’s what I’ve always wanted and it’s going well.


I worry a lot about life, love, business.

I am stable enough to know that this worry is irrational but not enough to avoid it.

I drink a lot of coffee, Power Horse, wine.

I am not sleeping much these days — it was 12:19am when I started writing this post.

The previous two sentences have nothing to do with each other. I wasn’t sleeping before the drinking.

It’s 12:33am right now and I’m just checking in.

Quieting the voices

I’m only 25 but most of the time I’m battling with the nagging feeling that life has passed me by — it translates into panic attacks and depressive episodes and so I constantly have to remind myself that for someone my age I’m doing more than ok. But as soon as I do that my brain tells me I’m deceiving myself and overcompensating so the vicious cycle in my head is like a circus full of crazy ass clowns juggling flaming bowling pins through fiery hoops.


I’ve been obsessing over my book and that obsession has been crippling me from writing a lot. Last month or so, I had dinner with my mentor Muhtar Bakare and he helped me see what I was doing to myself with the book thing. So, he said to write like an architect builds. Have a picture in your mind,  write/draw your plan and flesh it out and make corrections as you go along. Don’t try to have it all perfect at once.

So I did that for days. I sat (more like lay down) and properly mapped it out and now I’m going to just keep writing, instead of constantly going back and obsessing over the imperfection of what I’ve done so far. I’ve been on this thing for 3/4 years, and it may or may not take me another 10 years to finish it but for the first time I feel like it’s going somewhere.

So, what’s the point of this post? I’m not sure but it’s something about quieting the voices in your head and just doing it!

Have a great week.